The future is too confusing to think about. To look into the world with the eyes of my choosing and to see it in the dimensions and colors I wish it were portrayed are far beyond my uncapable fingers, which are outstretched regardless.
I want so much, yet I know nothing of what it is at all sometimes. What makes me happy. An easy enough question with even easier answers, at least on the surface. Success, adoration, lots of books, and empty books etc.. The list goes on into random silly articles like music boxes, bow ties, unfamiliar words, and old fashioned or out-landish sayings. How does anything of what I like fit into a career though? And of theese things what is really important to me? I think I know the answer but it is not a topic I like to discuss, so I won't admit it. Career is where I like to focus. I fear however, that in all my hoping scheming, and plotting I will get nowhere I wanted to go. It's terrible I think. I feel I will end up alone, save a cat and a big teapot that I sill swear has life presence [probably named Miss Pots], and live stuck in nowheresville Nebraska or some unwelcome ignored place like that.
I want and want and want and blah blah blah. Most the things I wish for are the impossible, it is easier to imagine less real scenarios though than to create and deal with the real ones. I much prefer this. Someday Im going ot have to grow up and get myself together. I just wish it wasn't so soon, so inevitable and so, now.
I'm like the reject of Peter Pan. I want to grow up, just never leave never-neverland.
I suppose things will turn out in the end, at least thats the easiest phrase to end this with. It's actual validity isn't really a justifiable one.
Here's to lonely nights in the slums with cats in Nowheresville Nebraska,
Please- do visit.